Haha! Stoppit! Kanye West And Kim Kardashian Are Having A Baby! Hahaha!

There’s a brilliant and clearly horseshit rumour flying around Tinseltown that Kanye West has got Kim Kardashian pregnant. If his sunglasses are anything like his condoms, then we suppose it could be true.

However, these rumours are floating around so we’d be complete idiots not to at least mention them on these pages. This is because we’re incredibly needy and don’t want to be left behind should this CLEARLY RUBBISH rumour turn out to be true.

Besides – can anyone even imagine Kanye West wanting sex with anyone who isn’t Kanye West?

The rumour is emanating from mediatakeout who are about as reliable as the National Enquirer. Both publications apply the rule of Throw Enough Shit At A Wall And At Some Point It Will Spell A Word That Makes Vague Sense. It’s a good practise and much more entertaining than, y’know, actually looking for stories with some truth in them and researching them. Only boring newspapers do that.

Anyway, should this end up being bob-on, it really could be one of the biggest celebrity stories of the year, despite only starring one noticeable celebrity. Kim Kardashian is of course famous… but she’s known in the same way people have heard of shamed politicians or the names of tiny towns that have been blighted by tragedy. It’s a name that just hangs there with bad vibes… like Lockerbie or Zeebrugge.

Naturally, these claims are coming from that most reliable of sources – ‘a close friend’.

Now, we see these frequently in publications. It seems that, if you want to get fame and notoriety, you need to surround yourself with the kind of people who read your diary and email pages to the press. Metaphorically speaking of course.

Either that, or it’s a towering crock of shit.

Kim, of course, is denying the rumors. She said:

“The rumors are absolutely not true. I’m not pregnant.”

That should be the final word on the matter, but this gives sneering pricks like us the opportunity to coo “Ooooh! The lady doth protest too much! LIKE A BIG PREGNANT LIAR!”

Even though she’s probably telling the truth on this one. Recent pictures don’t show someone with a healthy pregnant glow/stains of puking morning sickness but rather, a stoat-eyed tottering cadaver in 6 inches of make-up waiting to endorse yet more useless products.

Kanye meanwhile is probably staring at himself in the mirror while yanking on his engorged member shouting “I AM KING! I AM KING!” while convincing himself that he’s able to carry children himself in his miracle man-womb.

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Tagged as: Celebrity Gossip, Kanye West, Kim Kardashian, News, Pregnant

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